clipped from: www.theonion.com   

Hillary Clinton Tries To Woo Voters By Rescinding Candidacy


Hillary Clinton

Democratic front-runner Hillary Clinton officially rescinded her bid for president at an Iowa campaign appearance Saturday.

Polls showed that immediately following her speech, Clinton's approval numbers skyrocketed

Chris Matthews, host of MSNBC's Hardball, described Clinton's decision as the "single most unifying move" the highly polarizing figure has made yet.


"For the first time, she's really speaking to the whole nation."

Supporters

her campaign website posted the results of a recent telephone poll showing that an overwhelming majority of both Republican and Democrat respondents answered "Yes" to the questions "Don't you wish Sen. Clinton was not even running?" and "Wouldn't everything be better in this country if Sen. Clinton just bowed out now?"

"She's cold, she's calculating, she's blind with ambition, but I'll be doggoned if she doesn't have her finger on the country's pulse," Cameron said.