THERE is no bee equivalent of a lazy, self-centered arsehole who offloads all their admin onto you, according to new research.

Bees don't need bail outs

A four-year study into insect swarm behaviour found that bees exist in a state of perpetual co-operation and never lock their larvae in the hive, get pissed and started chinning each other outside a bee nightclub.

The research also revealed that ant colonies work together to eradicate danger instead of automatically assuming that it's someone else's problem and calling for the deportation of unskilled foreign ants from outside the European Union.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "Life on earth is infinitely varied, from creepy, deep-sea ghost fish to those weird little bats that look like Graham Norton.

"But it seems only humans would gleefully fuck each other over for the sake of a Christmas bonus."