Bush challenges the nation's top CEOs to create thousands of new shit jobs.

WASHINGTON, DC—In a keynote address at the National Economic Summit, President Bush issued a bold challenge to the nation's business leaders Monday, calling on them to create 500,000 shitty jobs by next year.

Bush outlined a plan to offer $10 billion in incentives and tax breaks to companies that demonstrate a commitment to providing soul-suckingly miserable wage-slave employment for Americans.

"We have too many talented people wasting away on our unemployment rolls," Bush said. "And I say, if a broom-factory owner can give a man the opportunity to dunk handfuls of brittle, flammable straw into rank, filthy vats of molten tar for $6.15 an hour, then that broom-factory owner deserves a major tax break."

Concluding his speech, Bush reiterated his commitment to creating lousy fucking jobs for all.