20. The chrism oil smells sooooo good. It almost makes you want to get baptized again, but then you'd be Baptist

19. Got a social issue? We've got a statement.

16. If you ever get stranded on a desert island with a large enough supply of unconsecrated* communion wafers, you couldn't exactly live off them, but you could probably glue them together to make a serviceable raft.

15. ...alternatively, you could take your mind off your impending death by playing unconsecrated host tiddlywinks.

13. If it weren't for us, the "Filet O' Fish" sandwich would have tanked years ago, placing fishermen out of honest work.

9. We have Cardinal Zen...

8. and Cardinal Sin.

7. We're not emergent: we're eternal.

6. We're not progressive: we're prophetic.

5. We're not old-fashioned: we're rooted.

4. We're not liberal: we love our neighbor.

3. We're not conservative: we look to God alone.

2. We're not entertained: we've received the peace of Christ.